WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
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