My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Randomize
