final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
