No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Randomize
