hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
false alarm, still single
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
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