So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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