Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
