Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Randomize
