I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
