would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Randomize
