# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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