and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize