Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
