that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
