The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
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