I skipped work to stalk him.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Randomize
