Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
