Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
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