I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
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