you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize
