I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Randomize
