You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Randomize
