she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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