I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Randomize
