please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Randomize
