Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
I intend to get homeless drunk
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
