Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize