OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
