Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Green mimosas i think yes
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Randomize
