Have you finally orgasmed yet?
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Randomize
