Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
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