no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Randomize
