tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
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