But do you think a lot of ppl use facebook as a masturbation supplement to porn?
Let me make clear that I am not a facebook masturbator
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
