New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
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