You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
this beer tastes like vomit already
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize