Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
