It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
So much Jack, so little girl.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
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