Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Randomize
