The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Randomize
