I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
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