and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Randomize
