Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
