i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
His hands were made for my vagina.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
