No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
