So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Randomize
