I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
