I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Randomize