There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I love you. Go after that dick
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
