I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
