how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
