You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
I'm bleeding and have questions
Randomize
