Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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