that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize