so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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