i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
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