You're my little dorito
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
