So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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