Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
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