Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize