when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
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