He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
