She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
Randomize
