Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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