with your own penis?
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize