How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
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