If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
What drink are we having for lunch?
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
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