i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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