The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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