Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
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