sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
