so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
